Slutty Tricks and Odd Treats
by EvilLittleNerd1981
Summary: Lily had figured she could stomp over to the top of the stairs and then wait there a little before running back up. Surely her friends wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Only one problem. She hadn’t factored in the Marauders. L/J, on Halloween.


**Title: Slutty Tricks and Odd Treats**

**Rated: PG-13/T**

**Genre: Humor**

**Characters: Lily/James**

**Summary: Lily had figured she could stomp over to the top of the stairs and then wait there a little before running back up. Surely her friends wouldn't be able to tell the difference. **

**She hadn't factored in the Marauders.**

Lily had been outside her dorm. Not only that, she had been locked out. And to top it all off, she was barely even clothed.

She pounded on the door again. And again. And again.

"DAMMIT ALICE! LET ME IN!"

She was answered by her two best friends giggling.

"NELLY, NOT YOU TOO?!"

"Oh come on Lils! This is something you'll thank us for one day!"

"Dressing me LIKE A _PROSTITUTE_ is going to make me _THANK_ YOU?!"

"You don't have to wear it much loooongeeeer. That is, if…."

"SHUT. UP, ALICE!"

"Come _on_, all you have to do is—"

"I WILL _NOT_ GO DOWN TO THE COMMON ROOM LIKE _THIS!"_

"Oh please, you look _hot_!" a new voice called.

"I SWEAR CASSIE, ONE MORE WORD AND I'LL KILL YOU!"

More giggling.

"Damn them," Lily muttered, utterly pissed, as she began pacing contemplating her options.

"_FINE_," she suddenly yelled, "I'LL DO IT!"

The three evil little girls cheered.

"Bitches."

"You know you loooooooove us!" a fourth voice called.

"Not as much as you love Cassie, Laura you whore."

Only two gigglers this time. "Just jealous!"

"Now, Cass, don't be like that. Of course Lily's welcome to join us!"

"ALL RIGHT THAT'S IT I'M GOING!"

The same two gigglers. Alice and Nelly were probably blushing in their silence.

Lily stomped loudly, heading for the stairs.

"Attack me during my nap…. Put me in bloody slutty clothing and dump me outside…. They _know_ I'm a bloody deep sleeper those—"

She cut off when she got to the stairs. This might have something to do with her slipping and falling on her butt in surprise.

_This_ might have to do with the fact that the Marauders stood directly across from her, leaded by James Potter, who had been on their way to the common room.

"Lily, _what are you wearing?_" he shouted, eyes wide.

"Er…. Nothing?" She tried lamely, trying to act as though nothing was wrong. Sirius hooted, eyes shining and Remus averted his eyes, though they were even wider than James'. Peter stumbled down the steps a bit, blushing and gawking.

"I can see that," a horrified (and slightly awed) James said.

"Come, come, Prongs, that's not true. Nearly, but not quite. See, her boobs are kinda covered, you can't see the top of her belly button, and her skirt is almost, what, and inch and a half long?" Sirius chimed, smirk wide.

Lily reddened but sprang up angrily (ignoring the resulting position of her clothing).

"Oh, I am going to _murder_ them!"

"Oi! I'm sorry, alright!" Sirius called worriedly, earning an exasperated look from Remus. "_What?!_"

Lily proceeded to glare into space, only half hearing Remus' explanation that when she said "them" she probably wasn't referring to the Marauders.

_Ugh. This is probably what they wanted. For me to be seen by the Marauders… by J--_

She whirled around and stormed back to the dorm.

"Please, let me in," she said only just above a whisper.

"Lils honey…" Alice started guiltily.

"There's a charm on the dorm that won't let you in until you are seen by at least four males…" Cassie finished sadly.

"But I just saw the Marauders! All four of them!"

"Uh… hun, did they all, er… _see_ you?" Nelly asked awkwardly. "As in absolutely begging to get their arses kicked?" Laura offered.

"Of course," two voices muttered exasperatedly at once. From the same side of the door.

"Isn't there… er…. A way around it?" James called.

"We—"

"Hold on," Lily interrupted. "_What_ are you doing here?"

"I—Er—It—You see…"

"Yes?" Lily prompted, crossing her arms over her chest impatiently.

"IwasworriedwhenyoujustranofflikethatandIhopeyouknowSiriuswasjustmessingaroundbecausehereallywasjustkiddingandyouknowhim, he's an arse."

"Wooooooow," the five girls drawled simultaneously

"He's got a gift," Laura called, only half joking.

"CAN WE MOVE ON TO THE PROBLEM AT HAND?!" Lily screamed.

"…. Okay, _ow_."

"Sorry," she muttered towards the bespectacled boy with adorable hazel eyes and a tiny little mole under his right eye that, when he smiled, would—STOP IT LILY!

"Well, first things first," James started in a surprisingly business-like tone, and with a flick of his wand Lily's 'costume' had spread to cover most of her body. Amazingly, it had turned into a—

"Wait, you mean that _thing_ I was wearing was supposed to be a _Healer's uniform?!"_

"Lily dearest, it was a Healer's uniform," Laura said condescendingly.

"A very _sexy_ Healer's uniform!" Cassie sqealed.

"In Halloween costume form," added Alice.

"I am so close to smacking you THROUGH THIS GODDAMNED DOOR!"

"Uhm… Why don't we just—"

"WAIT I KNOW!" James interrupted Nelly.

"DAMMIT JAMES!"

"OW!"

"SORRY!"

"_SHUT UP,_ YOU TWO!"

"Sorry Lauren," Lily and James chorused. There were a few moments of silence until five voices called out simultaneously, "Wait-"

"Did you just call him James?!"

"I think she just called him James!"

"Crap, she just called him James!"

"Did she just call Potter James?!"

"Did you just call me James?"

"YES ALL RIGHT!" Lily snapped when they were done. "Moving on!"

"I think we should just—"

"Hold on Nelly, James had an idea."

"Did you James?" Lily asked, not hiding her shock.

"Always the tone of surprise. My idea was, why don't we just go grab my broom and fly you to your dorm's window?"

Lily shook her head. "That won't undo the spell. What, I'd have to call you every time I wanted to leave my own dorm?!"

"Sorry…" he muttered, and Lily could have sworn she felt a twinge of _guilt_.

"Why don't we just—"

"Aw come on, don't be like that James—YES I JUST BLOODY CALLED HIM JAMES—I didn't mean anything by it…"

James for some reason, was cheered by this new development; that Lily wasn't being mean to him, and that she was calling him James instead of Potter or git or bigheaded prat or some colorful combination of the three.

"Er... Lily? Uh…"

He paused as she tilted her head to the side thoughtfully. "Erm. WouldyouliketogowithmetoHogsmeadebecauseIthinkit'dbefunbutifyoudon'twanttothat'sokayand… uh. Yeah."

There was silence and suddenly James realized that he had just asked her out in front of all of her closest friends.

"James," she started tentatively. "I…" He winced, expecting the rejection. "I'd like that too, actually. SHUT. UP." She added the yell after four eager twitters sounded from the other side of the door.

"Now… How are we to get lovely Miss Evans back into the dorm so we can pelt her with dress and date details?"

"Well, I really think we should—"

"Oh, hey, why don't you try Apparating?! You took your test, right?"

"Cassie, love. We can't Apparate on Hogwarts grounds. Which you should know, because I've told you fifty-freaking-three times before now."

"All right, well how about—"

"DAMMIT WILL YOU ARSES JUST LISTEN TO ME?!"

Everyone fell silent, and James was sure that if they could all see each other, everyone would be staring at a reddening Nelly.

"What I meant to say was I really think we should just let Lily go down and have some guy check her out, because she is pretty much clothed now that James made it so that the costume grew out, and it _is_ Halloween, so she won't look _that_ odd."

Lily and James stared at each other, wondering why Lily hadn't thought of that earlier.

* * *

**_su·per·vene_**

_To follow immediately after; ensue. To come or occur as something extraneous, additional, or unexpected. See Synonyms at **'follow'**.__Philosophy:_ To be dependent on a set of facts or properties in such a way that change can occur only after change has occurred in those facts or properties. 

**su'per·ven'ient** (-vēn'yənt)_ adj._


End file.
